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Getting to the Bottom of the Pickleball Metamucil Ad

Murmurs from the Losers' Bracket Frank Cerabino 04-30-2024

Dear Metamucil: 

On behalf of the pickleball community, we here at Murmurs from the Losers’ Bracket thank you for your product, which promises to “lighten every day” – something we can all get behind. 

But I’m writing to you to lighten my burden in a more metaphorical way. Specifically, I take issue with your ad that purports to show a young woman enjoying playing pickleball after your Metamucil psyllium fiber gel has, as you say, trapped and removed the waste that weighed her down. 

Here’s the link: https://www.ispot.tv/ad/2xp4/metamucil-not-at-its-best

Don’t get me wrong. I’m guessing that most of the people I play pickleball with either use Metamucil or ought to start using it.

And it’s not the linking of pickleball with Metamucil that bugs me, either. We understand that pickleball, despite being a sport that draws younger players every year, is tempting fodder for products pitched to an older audience. 

We know it’s a short, slippery slope from Hyland’s Leg Cramp tablets and Metamucil gummies to Tom Selleck pushing reverse mortgages.  

That’s not why I am writing to you today. 

I am complaining about the brief, yet annoying display of pickleball being played in your Metamucil ad. 

OK, we buy the premise of your ad: That pickleball is more enjoyable when you’re not constipated. 

P.S. It’s also more enjoyable when you don’t have dysentery. Just sayin’.

But what really bugs me is that when you show the video image of your Metamucil actress playing pickleball with a big smile on her face, it’s pretty obvious that this is the first time she has ever stepped on a pickleball court.

The way she holds the paddle more resembles the way anglers display the fish they just boated. And what’s even worse is that when she is shown returning a soft ball at waist level as she stands near the non-volley zone line, she scoops up with the paddle, as if the object of the game is to see who can set up the most slamable put-away shot. 

Arghh! 

Pickleball is the fastest growing sport in the United States, with more than 36.5 million Americans playing the game this year.

That’s a lot of people.

All you had to do was find just one of them who could also fit all the other demands of being a Metamucil actress. It’s a short list of demands. 

No. 1: You have to look into the camera with a pre-Metamucil, lower gastrointestinal tract discomfort expression on your face.

And No. 2: You have to be able to stir powder into a glass full of water. 

Better yet, just hire us at Murmurs from the Losers’ Bracket as your pickleball consultants before you try to do another pickleball-themed ad. 

We’ll make sure the level of pickleball play demonstrated in your next commercial won’t make millions of pickleball players groan with discomfort.

Even if they aren’t constipated.

MURMURS FROM THE LOSERS’ BRACKET

Read past editions of Murmurs from the Losers’ Bracket, including:

Frank Cerabino is a long-time columnist for the Palm Beach Post in Florida, a pickleball addict like the rest of us, and a newly published author. Check out Frank’s newly released book, I Dink, Therefore I Am: Coming to Grips with My Pickleball Addiction (available on Amazon and a great read (or gift!) for any pickleball player), for pickleball tips and laughs!

I Dink, Therefore I Am | Frank Cerabino

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