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Pickleball Dreams: The Final Frontier of Pickleball Addiction

Murmurs from the Losers' Bracket Frank Cerabino 03-27-2024

We here at Murmurs from the Losers’ Bracket have been studying the phenomenon of pickleball addiction.

And we have concluded that it’s a progression that unfolds in 20 phases.

Phase No. 1: Have you heard of this game called “pickleball”?

People are talking about it. And it’s suddenly in lots of TV commercials for everything from prescription drugs to cellular phone service to stock market day-trading.

Phase No. 2: Maybe we should try pickleball.

After all, even the neighbors are playing it – including the ones who get out of breath taking the garbage to the curb on trash day.

Phase No. 3: I ordered paddles on Amazon

They come with balls too. There’s a public park that’s got some courts. We can try the paddles there.

Phase No. 4: We’ll just hit the ball. No games.

After all, we might not like it. It’s best to just hit it back and forth and not worry about the rules. They seem complicated anyway.

Phase No. 5: The couple on the next court suggested we play doubles.

It seemed rude to say ‘no.’ And we ended up having so much fun, I went home and immediately read the USA Pickleball rulebook.

Phase No. 6: Would you like me to tell you about the double-bounce rule?

It’s so much fun playing games, and we’d really like to get better. It wouldn’t hurt to learn the rules.

Phase No. 7: I signed us up for a clinic.

We’re going to need to learn how to do third-shot drops against bangers. The clinic will also help to reinforce all those playing tips we’ve been getting by subscribing to ThePickler.com

Phase No. 8: We need to start stacking.

If we don’t, we’ll never beat the Bravermans.

Phase No. 9: I signed us up for a tournament

It’s just for the fun of it. No pressure. We’re not really trying to compete.

Phase No. 10: We’re gonna need expensive paddles.

We’ll never progress in tournaments and get a better DUPR unless we invest in some serious equipment.

Phase No. 11: The courts aren’t that wet. Let’s play.

It was just one little downpour. We’ll play games without running. No lobs allowed.

Phase No. 12: I’m OK, but something is definitely going on with my knee.

Do you have an Advil?

Phase No. 13: I’m taking a few days off to see if the pain goes away.

What channel on TV broadcasts pickleball games?

Phase No. 14: I’m back, baby!

I played twice today.

Phase No. 15: I hear the cruise ship has pickleball courts.

In every place we go for vacation now, the first question we ask is “Do you have pickleball courts?”

Phase No. 16: Do you think the neighbors would sue if we put a court in our backyard?

I can’t believe people don’t like that beautiful percussive sound of a paddle hitting a pickleball.

Phase No. 17: What’s wrong with tennis players?

They’re so territorial and they don’t laugh when they play. We should get more of their public courts at the rec center!

Phase No. 18: Check this out: a pickleball wedding.

It’s one of the many stories I find while perusing pickleball social media sites for hours during the times of the day I’m not playing pickleball.

Phase No. 19: I’ve canceled the gym membership, the yoga classes and the Peloton contract.

All I do is play pickleball now, and I can’t imagine doing anything else for exercise. It would just make me sad if my exercise wasn’t completely devoted to playing more pickleball.

Phase No. 20: I had a weird pickleball dream last night.

After a day on the courts, punctuated by watching pickleball on TV, and reading the pickleball blogs, it has come to the point where pickleball follows you to bed.

We here at Murmurs from the Losers’ Bracket think that this is the final phase of pickleball addiction.

When you start having pickleball dreams there’s no further step to take. You’ve reached the final phase in your journey.

Congratulations, you can now proudly get the vanity license plate for your car that reads, “I DINK.”

If your pickleball addiction has now reached the dream state, we’d like to know what those pickleball dreams are.

Do you suddenly awaken happy to realize that you weren’t actually just playing pickleball in the nude against the Johns brothers?

Do you argue line calls in your dreams? Do you make Ernes and ATPs and wicked forehand rolls in your sleep?

Are you counting Dura Fast 40s instead of sheep?

We believe that pickleball dreams are an unexplored cul-de-sac of the unconscious that scholars and medical professionals have yet to consider.

So, we here at Murmurs from the Losers’ Bracket would like to be the first.

If you’re having pickleball dreams, or waking up your partner in the middle of the night by subconsciously making imaginary backhand parries from your side of the bed, please consider sharing your experiences with us at MFTLB.

Be as detailed as possible about your pickleball dreams. And let us know something about your experiences with pickleball, such as how long you’ve been playing, how often you play and any other pertinent information that might illuminate the kinds of dreams you are having.

We look forward to reading about your dreams, analyzing them, and sharing them with other readers in a future article.

Please send your pickleball dreams to this email address: frank@thepickler.com

Now, try to get some rest.

Nighty night. Zero-zero-two.

MURMURS FROM THE LOSERS’ BRACKET

Read past editions of Murmurs from the Losers’ Bracket, including:

Frank Cerabino is a long-time columnist for the Palm Beach Post in Florida, a pickleball addict like the rest of us, and a newly published author. Check out Frank’s newly released book, I Dink, Therefore I Am: Coming to Grips with My Pickleball Addiction (available on Amazon and a great read (or gift!) for any pickleball player), for pickleball tips and laughs!

I Dink, Therefore I Am | Frank Cerabino

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