Dear Metamucil:
On behalf of the pickleball community, we here at Murmurs from the Losers’ Bracket thank you for your product, which promises to “lighten every day” – something we can all get behind.
But I’m writing to you to lighten my burden in a more metaphorical way. Specifically, I take issue with your ad that purports to show a young woman enjoying playing pickleball after your Metamucil psyllium fiber gel has, as you say, trapped and removed the waste that weighed her down.
Here’s the link: https://www.ispot.tv/ad/2xp4/metamucil-not-at-its-best
Don’t get me wrong. I’m guessing that most of the people I play pickleball with either use Metamucil or ought to start using it.
And it’s not the linking of pickleball with Metamucil that bugs me, either. We understand that pickleball, despite being a sport that draws younger players every year, is tempting fodder for products pitched to an older audience.
We know it’s a short, slippery slope from Hyland’s Leg Cramp tablets and Metamucil gummies to Tom Selleck pushing reverse mortgages.
That’s not why I am writing to you today.
I am complaining about the brief, yet annoying display of pickleball being played in your Metamucil ad.
OK, we buy the premise of your ad: That pickleball is more enjoyable when you’re not constipated.
P.S. It’s also more enjoyable when you don’t have dysentery. Just sayin’.
But what really bugs me is that when you show the video image of your Metamucil actress playing pickleball with a big smile on her face, it’s pretty obvious that this is the first time she has ever stepped on a pickleball court.
The way she holds the paddle more resembles the way anglers display the fish they just boated. And what’s even worse is that when she is shown returning a soft ball at waist level as she stands near the non-volley zone line, she scoops up with the paddle, as if the object of the game is to see who can set up the most slamable put-away shot.
Arghh!
Pickleball is the fastest growing sport in the United States, with more than 36.5 million Americans playing the game this year.
That’s a lot of people.
All you had to do was find just one of them who could also fit all the other demands of being a Metamucil actress. It’s a short list of demands.
No. 1: You have to look into the camera with a pre-Metamucil, lower gastrointestinal tract discomfort expression on your face.
And No. 2: You have to be able to stir powder into a glass full of water.
Better yet, just hire us at Murmurs from the Losers’ Bracket as your pickleball consultants before you try to do another pickleball-themed ad.
We’ll make sure the level of pickleball play demonstrated in your next commercial won’t make millions of pickleball players groan with discomfort.
Even if they aren’t constipated.
MURMURS FROM THE LOSERS’ BRACKET
Read past editions of Murmurs from the Losers’ Bracket, including:
- The Etiquette Crisis with “Open Play”
- Pickleball Dreams: The Final Frontier of Pickleball Addiction
- Lob into the Sun? Maybe, Maybe Not
- Gathering Intel on your Pickleball Opponents
- Injured? No, I’m Not Injured
- Mastering the Diplomacy of Round-Robin Scheduling
- Confessions of a Paddle Addict
- The Pilgrims and Pickleball – The Untold Story
- A Baby Boomer Lament
- The Golden Bachelor Courts Pickleball
- Is a Pickleball Escort a thing?!
- Losing with Style
- We Beat Go Fish!
- Taking the First Serve… or Not
- “Sorry” Seems to be the Easiest Word
- Top 10 Signs it’s too Hot to Play Pickleball Outside
- Coming In from the Heat
- The Ozempic Ad
- Ball On Court? Maybe Not
- The PPA, the APP and Monty Python
- Time to Get Help at Bangers Anonymous
- “It’s an Injury Sport”
- A Pickleball Translation Guide
- What’s Your Pickleball Nickname?
- Tennis the Menace
- Is There Such a Thing as “Pickleball Torture”?
- How to Be an Effective Pickleball Snob
- All You Need Is Glove
- The Lesson McDonald’s French Fries Have for Pickleball
- Tunes on the Court
- The Poetry of Empty Courts
- “Head Targeting” Rule Change Not a Brainy Idea
- Getting Beyond “Good Game”
- Why Are Pickleball Trophies Such a Big Deal?
- Stop Messing with the ATP
- When Discussions of Rules Turn Unruly
- A Former Pickleball Addict Speaks Out
- Separating the Drinkers from the Dinkers
- Turning Every Magazine into a Pickleball Magazine
- Zen and the Art of Pickleball Maintenance
- Spirited Pickleball Poetry
- Making Pickleball Less “Devastating” to Amateurs
- Finding Romance on the Pickleball Court: Top 10 Pickup Lines
- Sign of the Times: Pickleball License Plates
- Red Light, Green Light: Playing Traffic Cop on the Court
- The Pickler Limerick Challenge
- The Pickler Limerick Challenge Heats Up
- The Pickler Limerick Challenge Wraps Up
- Pickleball & the $100 Hamburger
- Before We Play, Partner, Please Sign This…
- Pickleball’s Most Powerful Spoken Word
- It’s Been a Hard Day’s Night for Pickleball Skeptics
- Be Kind to Your Local “Paddle Sheriff”
- Is There Such a Thing as Too Many Paddles?
- Silence Is… Not My Style
- “Going Ham” Over Pickleball’s Generational Divide
Frank Cerabino is a long-time columnist for the Palm Beach Post in Florida, a pickleball addict like the rest of us, and a newly published author. Check out Frank’s newly released book, I Dink, Therefore I Am: Coming to Grips with My Pickleball Addiction (available on Amazon and a great read (or gift!) for any pickleball player), for pickleball tips and laughs!
