“I really loathe when I get beat by someone drunk.” – pickleball player Scott Carlson.
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Is this something we need to talk about?
We here at Murmurs From the Losers’ Bracket can’t help but notice that as pickleball is becoming more popular, it’s being integrated into restaurant venues where alcohol is on the menu. (*For those new to Murmurs from the Losers’ Bracket, this is a (mostly) humorous tongue-in-cheek opinion piece – don’t take us too seriously).
For example, there are places such as Pictona at Holly Hill, a pay-to-play North Florida pickleball complex with 24 courts and courtside tables, a place where players don’t just order burgers, tacos and sandwiches, but also 48-ounce pitchers of beer and wine by the bottle.
It stands to reason that a person can get pretty pickled while playing pickleball, and I’m not talking about losing by a score of 11-0.
And it may not be too unreasonable to consider that one of these days you might end up in open play facing a player who is DWI – dinking while intoxicated.
So as a public service, we here at Murmurs from the Losers’ Bracket have tasked our research division to come up with the Top 10 Signs You’re Playing Against Drunk Pickleball Players
- They announce that they have a ball to play with, but it turns out to be a lime.
- Their “water bottle” is in a brown paper bag.
- When you say “It’s my turn to serve”, they say, “Great! I’ll have another round.”
- They ask for bathroom-break timeouts during rallies.
- They sign up for a court under the name “Zane Zinfandel.”
- They think the PPA is a hoppy variety of craft beer.
- They announce the starting score as “zero-zero-burp.”
- They refer to the non-volley-zone area as “the mosh pit.”
- They ask if it’s legal during a serve if the whole court spins.
And the Number 1 Sign You’re Playing Against Drunk Pickleball Players is … they do stacking, but it’s with red Solo cups.
MURMURS FROM THE LOSERS’ BRACKET
Read past editions of Murmurs from the Losers’ Bracket, including:
- The Ozempic Ad
- Ball On Court? Maybe Not
- The PPA, the APP and Monty Python
- Time to Get Help at Bangers Anonymous
- “It’s an Injury Sport”
- A Pickleball Translation Guide
- What’s Your Pickleball Nickname?
- Tennis the Menace
- Is There Such a Thing as “Pickleball Torture”?
- How to Be an Effective Pickleball Snob
- All You Need Is Glove
- The Lesson McDonald’s French Fries Have for Pickleball
- Tunes on the Court
- The Poetry of Empty Courts
- “Head Targeting” Rule Change Not a Brainy Idea
- Getting Beyond “Good Game”
- Why Are Pickleball Trophies Such a Big Deal?
- Stop Messing with the ATP
- When Discussions of Rules Turn Unruly
- A Former Pickleball Addict Speaks Out
Frank Cerabino is a long-time columnist for the Palm Beach Post in Florida, a pickleball addict like the rest of us, and a newly published author. Check out Frank’s newly released book, I Dink, Therefore I Am: Coming to Grips with My Pickleball Addiction (available on Amazon and a great read (or gift!) for any pickleball player), for pickleball tips and laughs!
