We here at Murmurs from the Losers’ Bracket can’t help but notice that a 16-year-old boy beat Ben Johns, the reigning king of the men’s game, in singles recently during tournament play.
The unheralded teenager, John Lucian Goins, beat the 25-year-old Johns in a quarterfinal match at the Veolia Cape Coral Open early in March.
Goins, the 40th seed, won convincingly with an 8-11, 11-1, 11-7 performance that eliminated Johns, the No. 1 seed.
We here at MFTLB feel this is a good time to offer our condolences to all pickleball-playing adults who lose to people young enough to have homework.
Hey, it happens. And it’s going to be happening more and more as pickleball transitions from a sport dominated by active retirees to a sport for people too young to have ever had a Blockbuster Video card.
(Please be kind. Rewind.)
I’m sure this isn’t easing the sting for Johns, who turns the ripe old age of 26 in March. But any grown woman who has played against Anna Leigh Waters, who won her first pickleball gold medal when she was just 10 years old, knows the feeling.
If you play pickleball long enough, you’re going to end up getting beat by somebody who might still be needing to come up with a project for the science fair and a book report on The Catcher in the Rye.
Pickleball is growing in popularity with the young, who are learning in droves now:
As you might imagine, we here at MFTLB are well-versed in the area of “the jaws of defeat” on the pickleball court, and have lost matches not only to middle-school girls playing hooky from school, but from people so old, well …
Let’s just say I still remember losing a doubles game when one of the opponents was a 90-year-old guy.
But in my defense, he played like an 88 year old. What can I say? I should have lobbed more. He had some serious knee issues.
Anyway, I can see how for some it might really sting to lose off of youngsters who are still dealing with acne and the awkward seating arrangements in the school cafeteria.
And it won’t be long before the headlines start revealing that there is a whole new crop of young players who may be too young to shave, but not too young to beat most adults old enough to be their parents or grandparents.
Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t a lament. It’s a call to action.
What are we downward-trajectory adult players supposed to do about the march of time that is working so inexorably against us?
The answer is clear: If we’re going to be successful on the courts, we’re going to need to devise a new playing strategy that works on children.
We here MFTLB have already given this issue the attention it deserves. Here are our recommendations:
Top 10 things for older adults to do to help them to avoid losing to children at pickleball:
1. Announce before the game that winners buy ice cream.
2. Interrupt their concentration by telling long stories about how you had to walk uphill to school in the snow when you were their age.
3. Try to set them up with your grandkids between games.
4. Pause during the middle of the game to show them photos from your European vacation.
5. When losing by more than five points, start the knock-knock jokes.
6. Dispute their line calls by claiming that their young eyes have yet to develop fully.
7. Before you play, find out their DUPR, not their SAT.
8. Try to get them to teach you how your iwatch works between points.
9. Always try to be the younger player’s partner on the court, even if it means wearing your ballcap backwards.
10. Avoid open play during school holidays.
MURMURS FROM THE LOSERS’ BRACKET
Read past editions of Murmurs from the Losers’ Bracket, including:
- It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane … It’s a Pickleball Zooming by My Head
- The Myth of “Open Play”
- You Get One Rule to Change in Pickleball: What is it?
- In a Pickle with Some Off the Cuff Remedies for Leg Cramps
- Partnering with a Giant: Hitting the Wall in Pickleball
- Ten Things Not to Say on a Pickleball Court
- Oh, the Horror! Playing with a Pickleball Partner who won’t Move Up
- Not a Softie When it Comes to Pickleball with a Foam Ball
- Do Pickleball Prayers Get Answered?
- Ten Tips for Being “Nice” at Pickleball
- Attention Pickleballers: Be On The Lookout For “Ball Blowers”
- The Etiquette Crisis with “Open Play”
- Lob into the Sun? Maybe, Maybe Not
- Mastering the Diplomacy of Round-Robin Scheduling
- Confessions of a Paddle Addict
Frank Cerabino is a long-time columnist for the Palm Beach Post in Florida, a pickleball addict like the rest of us, and a newly published author. Check out Frank’s newly released book, I Dink, Therefore I Am: Coming to Grips with My Pickleball Addiction (available on Amazon and a great read (or gift!) for any pickleball player), for pickleball tips and laughs!
